Say Something or Say Nothing, What is the difference?

Illustration from Sticks Stones and Stumped children's book

I absolutely love the poem below. It just made complete sense to me the first day I read it. Every time I see it, it was posted on cheerful paper, in a pediatrician's office or hung in a child's nursery. It is so appropriate to put on the wall of the newborn baby's room, don't you think? Of course we love and cherish our new babies. We give them love, praise, acceptance and security. But just like the paper this poem is written on, the words fades and is replaced by other things, like actions. 

This weekend I attended an event and observed all the interactions of friends, colleagues and newbies. It was nice to see people I hadn't seen in a long time. The day started out just like in the nursery with the excitement of a new baby, the Event. How are you, you look so good, nice to meet you, so nice to see you, what have you been doing and want to see you more, hugs, kisses, love your dress, memories, meeting new people and reminiscing. 

By the end of the event a small group of people ended the day with negative comments, emails, FB messages, text messages in the form of criticism, hostility, pity, ridicule, and most of all the green monster, jealousy.  For the winners (and families) of the event, this can really put a damper on their achievements and celebration. Yes, it only a few and sometimes just one, but it only takes one bad apple, right. What are we teaching our children when we talk like this, where is the good sportsmanship and where is the mutual respect? 

The more I worked with bullying victims and parents I find that all of the answers are right here in the mixed messages we as adults give. Is it that same old saying, do as I say not as I do? Be happy people, it's a choice, get up in the morning and say, I am going to have a great day.  Nor fall to being the judge and jury of our fellow man. It's EASY, really! All you need to do is take care of yourself and stop blaming others, be accountable and learn from your experiences. Remember the old saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Jump out of the circle of drama and "be the positive change you want to see". Not my words, compliments of Einstein and Gandhi. 

In fact show a little respect. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. Image, if we are born with respect for ourselves, the world and people around us and we let it be, all will be right with the world. All the negative behaviors are learned. I know I am jumping on a pedestal and preaching and have been guilty of the same. But it is time for us to be mindful of our chatter and who we could hurt with our out burst of disappointment. 

I would like to add one more sentence to this poem. If children live with responsibility, they learn to be accountable for themselves. 

As adults we need to be responsible, to know when to say something and when to keep our negative or hurtful opinions private. Ask yourself this, Does this situation involve me or my children, is someone going to be hurt if I don't or do say something, (this means emotionally as well), did someone ask for my opinion, and is my opinion going to make a difference? Don't open mouth insert foot, open your mind and insert wisdom. My words. 

Mind your P's and Q's.. 

  Children Learn What They Live 

By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. 

 If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. 

 If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. 

 If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. 

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. 

 If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. 

 If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy. 

 If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. 

 If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. 

 If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. 

 If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. 

 If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. 

 If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. 

 If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. 

 If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. 

 If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. 

If children live with fairness, they learn justice. 

 If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. 

 If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. 

 If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live. 

 Reprinted with permission by author. 

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

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